tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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