3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
