Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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