Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
