Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
