dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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