just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
