can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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