I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
