i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
