Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize