this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
