I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
