I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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