and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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