she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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