Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
