I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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