i dont even know how to be here
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
