Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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