I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
