just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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