I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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