Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
