its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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