I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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You have to summon your inner elephant
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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