since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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