Little spoons don't ask big questions
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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