i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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