Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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