i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
