How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
