I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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