After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize