You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize