Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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