the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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