we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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