I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
