i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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