Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
