It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
