New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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