Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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