I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We need to get me chipped asap
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
