I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
