So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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