What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
