I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
