I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
did i walk over a car last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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