Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
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