My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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