Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
