glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
