Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
