he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
