...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
