I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
