he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
