it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
