And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
