alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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