with your own penis?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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