You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just had sex on a roof
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
