Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
