I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
