Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
