I just pynch a tree in the face
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
