Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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