I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
