Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
