he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
