and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
