i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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