He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
