life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
