For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
