you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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