Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito