Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything