He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?