You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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